Illustration by ©lucy knisley:
They had a cat at a video rental store (I know) that I was in last weekend, and I was so taken by delighted surprise to see this cat there, that I said this sentence with total and complete earnestness to my friends, who still love me (I assume).
How To Read A 223-Page Novel In Just 77 Minutes
Spritz is a company that makes a speed-reading technology which allows you to get through a mass of text, reading every word, in a fraction of the time it would take if you were turning the pages of a book or swiping through a Kindle.
The basis of Spritz concept is that much of the time spend reading is “wasted” on moving your eyes from side to side, from one word to the next. By flashing the words quickly, one after the other, all in the same place, eye movement is reduced almost to zero. All that’s left is the time you take to process the word before the next one appears.
The company is selling licenses for other companies who might want to use the technology in operating systems, applications, wearables, and websites. Obviously, the tiny screen of a smart watch instantly springs to mind.
But the real revelation of Spritz is in trying it yourself.
today i heard 2 kids talking about buying fake IDs after school and so i started eavesdropping cuz u know thats big kid stuff and then one was like “yeah but is all this really worth it like im pretty sure the fake IDs cost more than the fish we r gonna buy”
to buy fish at petco u have to be 18 or older
they were going to get fakes to buy fish
There are icicles inside my chest cavity
that freeze a little harder whenever I step into a packed room.
The only way to thaw them
is by leaving.
And no one will ever know how many times I go over
and over an event after it’s happened
like Orion crosses the sky…
so i feel like i should tell you guys that i’ve found the formula for a perfect and incontrovertible insult:
you perfectly rectangular shitbowl!
you obscenely lamentable assbasket!
you fantastically nauseating dicksoiree!
go forth and blaspheme
I am laughing so hard.
Suddenly everything is beautiful.